May 12th, 2013
As I sit here writing this today I cannot help but think how blessed I am. Today (well in 5 minutes or so) is not only my 6th wedding anniversary with my husband but it is also Mothers Day. Having so much to say on both topics I figure I might need to write it tonight as tomorrow will be quite busy!
First, lets start with mothers day (since she is a main reason I have anything at all to talk about)... My mother has always been there for me, thru the hard and the good. See, we moved allot and our family was very close knit because of that, my mom and I became best friends growing up. Now I wont say we didn't have differences ever but we have and still do have an amazing relationship. She and my dad raised us in church, she prayed with and for us and always stands by us. She is an amazing woman and I am blessed to know her and to have her as MY momma. That being said, she also taught me how to be a mother, and being a mother is the most amazing experience and blessing in this world. Motherhood is a true miracle and I pray for those I know who are struggling with a desire to begin this journey and for whatever reason cannot. Around about 3 years ago I experienced the most unbelievable pain, we lost our first child due to miscarriage. Never would I wish this pain on anyone, it hurts in a way I cannot describe. We were so excited to have a baby, and then we didn't, it broke our hearts in ways we still cannot completely repair, nor will we. And speaking of mothers day, that first one after losing a baby by miscarriage is painful, akward and more difficult than I could say. It is hard for those around you not knowing what to say and hard for you missing your child. Afterwards it took some time to heal (what parts could heal that is) and with Gods help we began trying again, after 3 months we found out we were expecting yet again. Our daughter, Annabelle, came that November bringing another heaping amount of emotion and love that is growing still today. She has the absolute sweetest personality and at 2.5 years old she will talk, ask you how you are, say "I miss you, love you" without being directed to and even today she sang Happy Birthday to "aunt Kayla" on the phone. Being her mother makes me so proud, she is my little helper I tell people all the time, she will try her best to help people with whatever they are doing, she cleans her room without being asked and loves to do any craft or project for anyone she can. She is our daughter and is absolutely amazing. Next came our son, only a little over 12 months after our daughter we were blessed yet again with a tiny miracle. And yes, I mean tiny... He was 4lb 13oz and 2months premature, after a long 12 weeks of bed rest and countless trips to l&d for premature labor and shots, magnesium, the whole 9 yards to stop it he finally showed up early anyways. With that I must add that I started premature labor at 19 weeks and he was only 2 months preemie when he was born so if that does it tell you what a miracle he is I don't know what would. After he was born I experienced something I never thought I would... I didn't WANT to leave the hospital, I knew when I did he wasn't coming home with me, at least for some time. Leaving your child hooked up to monitors everywhere you can see them and in the care of people (tho highly trained) you have never met before, that is a whole other kind of hard. After walking out of the hospital my husband went to get the truck, I sat on the bench just bawling, how could I leave? He needed me, after all, I am his mom! It took some getting used to and more tears than I know shed over leaving him there but he had to stay, to grow & strengthen, and that he did. Even through Christmas which is my favorite holiday and that made it even harder, we wanted our family together and my daughter was not allowed in the NICU and didn't even meet him until a few weeks old. After a month tho he was doing amazing and was released. The next day, I began life full throttle as a mom of 2 little ones, and I would never change a thing. Our son, Cayden, is a bright eyed little toddler now who is getting so big they he will probably pass his sister soon on size (and she is considered average) and he has more strength than we ever could have imagined and more personality than ever. Also a little helper and such a sweet spirited little boy. My children are miracles, and if you have one either on earth or in heaven, yours are too! Being a mother is and always will be an amazing blessing and responsibility that God has given me and I am forever grateful! No one promised motherhood (or the journey to it) would be easy at all times but it is most definitely the most blessed, meaningful, miracle of a road you will ever travel. Happy Mothers Day to all the mom's out there!
And next, I cannot forget today as my anniversary. May 12th marks 6 years I have been married to the most amazing, christian, loving man! And on May 15th it will mark 9 years since we started dating. Today I not only get the honor of seeing him as MY husband but I also get to see him as a father to our 2 wonderful children. Seeing him laugh and play, pray and read and just be 'dad' to them makes me even more proud to be his wife. Loving him comes natural to me, and being his is an amazing blessing and honor. I Love You Charles 'Wally'!
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